On a dreary, cloudy afternoon in October, I attended the funeral of my friend and long-time neighbor. There was only a handful of people in attendance at the graveside, including her two adult children. The weather matched the mood as the coffin was carried solemnly and carefully placed on the straps suspended over the empty grave.
The presiding Deacon was a gentle middle-aged man with a kind smile and a warm personality. He had no connection with the family and had never met the woman whom he was eulogizing. He spoke with great enthusiasm- even cheerfulness- on how she was in heaven and how we'd all be reunited with her someday. And this was certain, he explained, because she had 'given love', and this, we were told, was all that we had to do to have life eternal.
This was a Catholic Deacon. My heart sank deeper and deeper with each one of his statements. Now don't get me wrong, I know this woman- let's call her Janice- was a good-hearted person. She'd had a hard life but was kind and generous. She was a Catholic who had left the Church in mid-life and was never formally reconciled. I believe that God is merciful and even the smallest act of good will on our part can suffice to reconcile us to God. And I know that Janice had this intention towards the end, after her dementia was fairly well advanced.
But whether Janice went immediately to heaven, or to purgatory, or elsewhere, is not the point. What is the point is the effect these words from the Deacon had on all involved.
First, it is one of the greatest acts of mercy and love to pray for the dead, and this is a core tenant of the Catholic Faith. There have been Saints who have worried that people would not pray for them because they would assume they'd be immediately admitted to the Beatific Vision. To make family and friends feel good at a funeral by reassuring them that their loved one is in heaven discourages the practice of praying for the dead and makes it much less likely that they will. What a great disservice that Deacon did to Janice, who, quite likely, is in purgatory and would greatly appreciate prayers.
Second, the non-practicing Catholics who were there, would be confused at best and at worst lulled into a false sense of security. Living in sin? No worries, just 'give love'. Have you left the Church and are in a state of mortal sin? Carry on. Just 'give love' and we'll all meet together in heaven. What a great disservice that Deacon did to those adult children who are Catholic but have fallen away from the faith. What a missed opportunity to evangelize. Staring death in the face is one of the best times to think about our own mortality and the fate of our eternal soul.
Thirdly, the representation of the Faith to non-Catholics that were there. My own companion was an evangelical protestant. With barely concealed disdain she asked, as we walked away from the cemetery: 'what was that? Is that what the Catholic Church teaches? All that soft-soap.' No, I protested emphatically, that is not at all the truth. Those outside the Church do not understand that not every Catholic- even clergy- are theologically and dogmatically correct. It's, I guess, a compliment. They assume that we're all perfectly formed and orthodox.
Finally, let me stress that I am sure that this Deacon had the best intentions. I am certain that his objective was not to mislead or lull anyone into a false sense of security. But this was, whether he knew it or not, the effect of his words. St. Edith Stein said 'accept nothing as truth that lacks love and accept nothing as love that lacks truth'. You cannot truly love people by lying. Especially when it's about the fate of their eternal soul. Be nice. Don't lie.
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